“Money issues are so troublesome that people who say they’re experiencing stress in their relationship cite finances as the number one reason — easily beating out the second place contender: annoying habits, according to a study by SunTrust. Money issues are also responsible for 22% of all divorces, making it the third leading cause, according to the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis.” (Woods, July 2015)
My husband and I don’t agree on money priorities. Confession: My husband and I don’t agree on how to spend money. I’ll spend money on the kids and house all day long. He wants to save for trips, retirement and a good nest egg. Every person will have some different priorities. We meet together to discuss where we are at with each of these priorities.
-Plan. First step in any budget is to sit down and make a plan. In order to get both people to stick to a budget, they both need to help with the plan. Understand and listen to the other person’s want and needs. They might say they don’t want to live on a budget or they want you to take care of it. It is so important to figure out what is important to each of you. Help your spouse understand the why of your financial goals. Listen to the why of their financial goals, also. Forget the past. Don’t bring up how much money they spent yesterday, last week or last year. You are both starting now.
-Prioritize. Decide which priorities are most important to you as a couple. One wants to save and one wants to buy a new car this year. Focusing on one priority at a time will help you see results more quickly. Make sure you are listening and agree that the priorities you set, you both want to achieve. After focusing on one area you will see results and then you can decide to stick with that priority or move on to another one.
-Evaluate. Make a way to track your priorities. I have a simple Excel chart that shows how much in debt we paid off last year. My husband likes to see a visual since numbers on a page don’t mean that much to him. Discuss at least once a month where you are both struggling to meet the budget categories that you set up.
-Flexibility. Always allow for flexibility in your budget. Evaluate together what you could do differently to adjust those categories or discuss ways to save in that area. Make sure you have a sufficient amount in your discretionary budget that is yours to spend on whatever you want. My husband often saves his up until he has enough to buy something bigger. I usually find something to buy with mine by the end of the week.
The first step in establishing a budget with your partner is to listen. Then, you can plan, prioritize, evaluate and improve flexibility together. Set aside time to have regular, uninterrupted conversations about your budget. Even after you have established a budget, leave blame and shame out of the conversation. If you start with the first step, listening, your joint efforts will combine, your priorities will shift towards each other, and your relationship will be strengthened.
Woods, Jennifer Ryan. 10 Ways to Prevent Money from Ruining Your Marriage. July 6, 2015. Forbes Magazine.